Donnie Cook
Mrs. Boresen
Expository Writing, 4
Winter Narrative
1/13/09
New Years Eve
Typically my New Years Eve consists of me staying at my house with my parents and some of their friends. We play pool or some other game and then welcome in the new year with sparkling wine. I am thankful to say that this year, the only thing that didn’t change was the sparkling wine while watching the ball drop. The day before new years was starting to show that this new years was going to be like every other one before it. My parents have already made plans for us and the usual gang was ready to see each other. Once I got home that day my mom told me that the plans had to be canceled and I was free to do whatever for New Years Eve. The only problem was, I had nothing to do. Then, one of my best friends Michael called and told me that Aaron was hosting a party and he wanted to know if I could go. I said that I would definitely go so I could escape the yearly routine. He told me when the party was and I was ready for something new as I went to bed that night.
I woke up the next morning around the usual time during break, around twelve, and then got Xbox for some intense gaming. After about thirty minutes I got a message from my friend Tim. He wanted me to come over and play Left 4 Dead, the game he had received for Christmas. I have been wanting to play this game for a while now and he was my chance! So I got in my car and headed off to Tim’s house. We played until about five, when I told him that I needed to get to Aaron’s house. After that, I headed on down to Aaron’s house for the party. While I was on my was there, I expected the street to be full of cars so I would not be able to find a spot. But, I got there and almost nobody was there so I found a spot easy. When I rang the doorbell Aaron’s family told me that Aaron was downstairs so I went down and I wasn’t too surprised to find only Aaron and Michael there playing Halo 3 four inches from the screen. So I laughed at them and then joined in.
After a while, more people started to arrive and we got out the games and decided to play Cranium. After my team dominated, naturally of course, everyone gathered around the couch and talked while Aaron put on some music. The talked eventually turned into a dance off where yet again, me, Aaron, and Michael dominated. The dancing left us tired and we eventually started Halo again while people talked. After awhile we turned to the TV to watch the ball drop and poured the sparkling wine and got ready for the countdown. We counted down and said “Happy New Year” to everyone we could. About an hour after that people left and me, Michael, Aaron, Richie, Buckey, and Bobby were left. Everyone but Bobby, who was asleep in five minutes, was ready to play some extreme Halo all night. So we played until about five in the morning, which was when I decided to go to bed. Michael followed while Richie, Aaron, and Buckey stayed up to play more Halo.
Eventually, they went to bed and we all got up at twelve or so and laid around talking. This is when we decided that Ihop sounded amazing, since we had nothing to eat all night. So Bobby went home and me, Richie, Aaron, and Michael piled into my car and headed to Ihop. When we got there we ordered four huge breakfasts and ate till we were full. Once we were done, I dropped everyone off and drove home, to sleep more. On the way home I realized how great the past few hours have been. Not cause of everything we did, but the fact that I did everything with some of my best friends in the world. I realized how truly blessed I was to have such amazing friends.
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I like how you gave a lot background knowledge, it really set up the stopry. Start tyring to vary your sentence lengths by using commas and conjuctions. Also, elimate the parts of you story that are not needed to get to the overall meaning of the piece.
ReplyDeleteAudience and Purpose: 3
Format:4
Total 45/50 90%
I liked all the detail you put into the story it was really interesting to read. Also you could have possibly shortened things a bit because it was kinda long but still really good. =]
ReplyDeleteMy new years are usually boring too but yours sounded fun! Your story was interesting but there are some parts that you might not have needed to add. I like your conclusion to the story. Nice job.
ReplyDeleteOverall, ive gotta say that this is a pretty good essay. You gave a lot of detail on what you did that night. I also see that you also put alot of effort into this essay and believe me i know effort whene i see it. You do have a certin part of a sentence that needs correcting. either than that there is nothing else. great work
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